The Barbie Battle
by extraordinaire
Summary: AU SASUSAKU ONESHOT. Because Ken was one handsome stud with his golden-blonde tresses and his enticing six-pack, so any girl would easily fall for him — just as easily as a boyfriend could get jealous of him. Sasuke blamed Christian Bale.


_**The Barbie Battle **_

_for Meaghan _

* * *

The biggest smile, ya know, _ever_, made its way onto the pinkette's flawless face as she dreamed of tearing off the wrapping paper from the large box in front of her. As soon as her boyfriend handed it to her from her seat on the floor, and she felt how heavy it was, she knew it was going to be the most amazing present ever.

That, or the fact that he'd been sneaking glances at her all day, nervousness in his eyes, as if hoping that she'd like it. And that Naruto said that this was going to be one birthday that would be held in infamy.

But he wasn't here anymore. Heck, _no one_ was here, and that's exactly how Sakura wanted it. Just her and her delicious mancandy (boyfriend, love of her freaking life, _the list goes on…_) and this humongous gift wrapped in shiny paper. But first, she noticed the little tag on top of the box.

She took it off, reading his neat script. She then rolled her eyes at one, the fact that he'd never get her a card—and she was okay with that since it made it all the more _him_—and two, because of what it said on the paper.

_what you've always dreamed of  
__(besides me)  
__-Sasuke_

And he couldn't even put the _I love you _on it, even though they've been dating for three years. But, again, Sakura was okay with it, because she knew. She knew that he loved her from his secret smiles and steaming glances he took while they were at school, when algebra just lost its spark.

She threw her boyfriend a quick smile from his note that he returned with a smirk. She then turned and ran her fingers along the silver paper.

While she noticed the way it gleamed from the light in her living room, the Uchiha noticed the way it showed the eternal flame in her eyes that he knew would never die out—he wouldn't let it.

And with that thought, he secretly smiled to himself and mentally patted himself on the back. He knew that this birthday would be one for the ages.

After a few minutes of her not opening the gift, he got a bit impatient. "Need help there?"

She giggled lightly, but shook her head, signaling a _no_. She then smiled brightly, and tore of the paper, for she couldn't hold in her excitement much longer. Once it was in broken pieces on the floor, she glanced at the cardboard box.

Sakura's eyes lit up as she dove towards her boyfriend on the other side of the room. She knocked him over and dug her head into his chest, crying. He wasn't sure if he could take that as a good sign, or a bad one. But knowing her, it was a positive. She was a damn crazy woman, and honestly, he wouldn't have it any other way.

"Sasuke-kun! Thank you so much!" She kept crying, but they were definite tears of joy.

Sasuke patted her back lightly and smirked to himself, congratulations for a job well done. He definitely knew that he would be rewarded with tons of kisses, hugs, and letting him pick the movie for their date next weekend.

He definitely wasn't settling for Mamma Mia. Batman was more his thing.

(and, even though he'd _never_ admit it, he was more excited for Sakura cuddling up to him in fear, than the actual action of the movie)

But it was worth it—_all of it_.

Obviously, Sasuke spent a lot of money on this gift, because _his_ Sakura was special, and of course, she wouldn't settle for the newest model. She wanted the _original_—the one from when she was little, and the one she never got.

But Sasuke always fulfilled her dreams.

(she is dating _him_, isn't she?)

He'd always be there for her, whether it involved crazy dolls, odd gifts, of just to protect her from the Joker and his killing-machine-ness.

(and he was grateful that Heath Ledger looked quite ugly in this movie, because he couldn't take Sakura falling head-over-heels for him)

"I mean, when I had said that I wanted a Barbie Dream House ever since I was a little kid last year, I really never thought that you'd actually buy one!"

Because Sasuke is such an amazing boyfriend and he saved up all his freaking money for half a year, just so he could buy this present for his girlfriend and make her smile like this.

That was enough of a reward.

"And you even got me dolls!" She gleefully got off of the dark-haired man and went off to play with her childhood fantasies—Sasuke close behind.

She took her Top-Model Barbie, who was decked out in lace pantyhose and a tight mini. Sasuke instantly wondered who would let their kids play with these things.

And after she had some fun with Teresa and Barbie, having a spat about who was the better model, even though Sasuke obviously thought that Teresa's outfit had more spunk that Barbie's,

(and no, he'd never admit that)

She took the Ken that Sasuke was taking out of the box for her—and those things are hard to get out, what, with the twists and the staples and the plastic. Any kid could easily cut themselves with that.

But Sasuke Uchiha would never do such a thing. 'Cause he's talented and just all-together amazing.

(exhibit A: _his girlfriend is Sakura Haruno  
_exhibit B: _he bought his girlfriend a Barbie Dream House_)

She took Ken and started playing with him, making him smooch with Barbie and trying to stand them all together so they could look _cute_. There was drama, especially when Steve arrived and totally kissed Barbie, even though he was with Teresa.

Then, Ken went to Teresa for comfort, and, as Sasuke presumed, Sakura was a sadist and wanted to make her suffer, so she made Teresa a total slut and she smooched the beach-blonde.

And yes, Sasuke was incredibly bored and mortified, but no one would see him right now, and it was _his_ girl, so he would do _anything_ to make her happy—especially on her special day.

So when she asked him to play Kelly, Barbie's little sister, he agreed and unenthusiastically played the petite girl. Her blonde pig-tails bounced playfully as Sasuke moved her around, for she was dancing with her older sister, even though Barbie was going through total heartbreak at the moment.

And yeah, Sasuke was annoyed, but the grin placed on Sakura's lips was enough of a reason to keep playing—and to buy her more Barbies.

An hour of playing, a few make-out sessions, and one lost, plastic shoe later, Sasuke and Sakura were on the couch, the pink-haired girl snuggling up to her heroic boyfriend, and said boy wrapping an arm around her.

She sighed happily, looking at the blonde she still had in her hand. His orange shirt radiated brighter than Naruto's and his yellow shorts put the sun to shame. The orange glasses he adorned fit nicely on his over-gelled hair, and his glossy legs (that held no hair, so he therefore isn't manly!) were a disgrace to men everywhere.

He was definitely gay, and he shouldn't land a hot chica like Barbie—even if Sakura is much, _much_ hotter.

"I love Ken! I wish I had a Ken, actually. Wouldn't it be cool, Sasuke-kun?"

He just nodded, not really interested in anything but the girl in his arms (who should be quiet more often).

"I mean, he is just so cute, and he has this total six-pack working for him. And his hair—oh lordy, don't even get me _started_. Wouldn't it just be fun to run your hands through as you kissed him?"

He gave her a meaningful look. "Sakura, I'm not gay."

She giggled. "I know, sweetie. I was just talking about myself and my odd obsession with Barbies. But he really would make a good boyfriend."

"I don't?"

She laughed again. "Of course not, silly. I was just saying that he is pretty smokin' for a plastic doll. And so what if he is a doll? I think girly guys are hot,"

And now it was getting annoying.

Sasuke inwardly wondered it she was secretly hinting things to him that would help him be a better boyfriend—even though he _did_ just buy her something she's always wanted and loved and cherished.

(besides _him_)

"And really, his wardrobe is a total malfunction, but in a hott way, ya know what I mean? He is also a really good boyfriend to Barbie, so—"

And Sasuke really couldn't take it anymore. After all, how long can sit there while being compared to a _doll_?

And the worst part?

The doll was _winning_.

So he did what any sane, jealous boyfriend would do.

He kissed her.

_Hard_.

And he smirked with satisfaction, knowing that _Ken_ could never do this, as said _hottie_ fell onto the floor while Sakura got overtaken with passion.

But suddenly, as he was getting deeper in the kiss, he realized that not only the _dead_ cutie was in Batman as the villain, but the hero was, _apparently_, quite the stud.

Two words.

_Christian Bale._

(even though Sakura knew that Ken beat him out _any_ day)

* * *

**I _heart_ Christian Bale, even if Meg already claimed him. But I heard he got in trouble for verbally assaulting his mother. I mean, really, what did he do? "YOU ARE A FAILURE AT LIFE! GO AND EAT A TURD, YOU BUTTMUNCH!" And then the cops came…**

**Right, so, I got inspiration for this while talking to my favorite whore, Jen, who used to dig this guy Ken, but now likes some new boy-toy (ergo **_**whore**_**). But then I thought of Ken and how it would be really cool if I had a friend named Ken, so yeah. **

**Anyways, this is for Meaghan, the freaking love of my life/favorite prostitute (don't worry Als, you're still my lesbo-lover), because she and I actually bought Barbies with our job-money, and we've always wanted a Barbie Dream House. (after I get my password journal, of course)**

**(oh, and I don't own anything, if that wasn't obvious **_**enough**_** by me spending my paycheck on **_**barbies**_**…)**


End file.
